An Ode to Cherno Alpha

Bar none, the best movie I saw this summer was Guillermo Del Toro's Pacific Rim. I also saw Upstream Color, while some might argue that UC was a more cerebral film, one of greater depth, emotional power, metaphorical complexity, and thematic intricacy (as well as having a nigh-incomprehensible plot), I think Pacific Rim was better. It was definitely more entertaining, and much more memorable, even if it was drastically more simplistic. The plot is pretty straightforward: Lovecraftian monsters emerge from a rift at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and proceed to devastate coastal cities. In response, world goverments pool their resources to create giant robots, called "jaegers," to battle the "かいじゅ" monsters. After a few decades, the jaegers are decommissioned in favor of large coastal walls to keep the kaiju off of land. These walls prove themselves futile, and the last few active jaegers are tasked with defending the world from these skyscraper-tall monsters.
I absolutely loved how Guillermo del Toro directed this movie. The unique yet oddly familiar robot designs, the revenge-driven plot, and the over-the-top battle speeches all screamed mecha anime. Check this ish out:

Did you see that? There was a rocket on the robot's elbow. 

I bet if he turned them both on at the same time he could fly like an oversized Iron Man.

This movie delivered everything I wanted, and then some. At the climax of the battle against one of the monsters, the robot fighting the monster has lost its gun. What do you think it uses in its stead? It draws a sword. Nothing more or less than a four story sword. It then cuts the monster in half. You might ask: why not use the sword at the beginning of the battle and save itself a ton of trouble and damage? The answer is simply that the reveal of the weapon was cool. Almost everything in this movie was shown because it was cool. Internal inconsistencies could be forgiven if the end result was sufficiently awesome (すごい). For example, the robots were so highly complex that they required two human brains to pilot them, each donating the brainpower of one hemisphere. Yet one of the jaegers had three pilots, each of whom controlled one of three arms. How does that work? Who cares, the robot had a third arm that turned into a buzzsaw. 

Oh, did I say one saw? I meant two. And I think the other arm is a plasma rifle. It doesn't look like it but trust me.

 The names of the jaegers are just flat-out cool. Ready? Here are some of my favorites:

• Cherno Alpha
• Gypsy Danger
• Crimson Typhoon
• Coyote Tango
• Tacit Ronin (Japan's robot!)
• Solar Prophet
• Nova Hyperion
• Striker Eureka 

They took every badass word in the English language and combined them to make a whole host of freakin' sick names. 

I envy the prepubescent boys who were able to marvel at this mecha masterpiece during their imaginative prime.